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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapistto help us out with the details.

How to have group adventures

No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Q: I recently moved to a big city known for its kink community.

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What if I get propositioned by someone who gives me the creeps? What if I freak out? Should I even go? A: Earlier this week, I got a question from a reader who was interested in attending a group sex party.

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I gave her 12 tips about what to expect from her first sex partybut I wanted to follow up my answer with some more nitty-gritty specifics of how to have sex with multiple people at the same time. Here are nine guidelines for having group sex. If you're throwing a party, are you all wanting to have sex with each other, or simply in the same general vicinity as each other?

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Some sex parties have specific themeslike trading partners, "gang bangs," or planned performances. Make sure everyone is on the same about the plans for the evening. I know it can feel awkward to talk about logistics in such detail beforehand, but it really will make for a better experience. Talk about the details overat the very least.

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If you're going to an organized sex party, the organizers of it to find out about the theme and rules for the event before you go. If you're throwing your own party, you'll learn how funny and awkward getting a group sex party started can be.

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You end up sitting around making awkward small talk, waiting for someone to do something. Who wants to come play with me?

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Cuddling is less intimidating to initiate, and will lead to one thing or another soon enough. Same can go for when you're attending an large, organized party, though it's usually easier to get things started there, since people around you will likely be having adventures of their own. And, as always, be sure to ask for affirmative consent! If this is a pre-arranged partyyou may want to ask people about the last time they were tested for sexually transmitted infections some party organizers even ask people to show paperwork from their last test.

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The easiest thing to do is to keep a bowl of condoms, dental dams, latex gloves, and single-use packets of lube in a bowl in the middle of the room. Allow yourself to explore different activities and configurations, and see what feels best for you in the moment. Here are some ideas to try:. Smaller groups always form out of the larger group. Try to think beforehand about the types of groups you want to be involved with. Are you more comfortable with people one-on-one?

Do you want to be a part of a threesome? Or do you want to jump in on a writhing mass of people? Of course, you can mix it up throughout the Group sex fun of the night. To help you adjust to the feeling of giving to and receiving from multiple people at the same time, start off by hooking up with one person. Then move up to two, then to three, four, or however many you feel comfortable with. People are naturally going to pair off at different points in the evening.

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If two or three or four people seem to have a good thing going, be a bit thoughtful about approaching. Try to make eye contact with at least one member. If they seem really into each other at the moment, wait a bit and come back later. Spend some time just making out with a partner.

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Then up the ante with oral sex or intercourse. Then go back to something tame like cuddling or watching. Trade off between partners too, if you feel like it. Making lots of changes will give the evening a nice ebb and flow.

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Group sex can bring up a lot of feelings! Maybe you ask someone to play, and they politely turn you down. You might feel jealousy, anxiety, or insecurity.

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Yes, you can feel like the last kid picked for dodgeball even in the midst of an orgy. Try to sit with the feeling and accept it, but try not to let it overwhelm you. Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Waywhich delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud.

Images: Fotolia ; Giphy. By Vanessa Marin. See All Health Relationships Self.

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